Pain and Disorder

Tragedy strikes without warning. Life can be sunny and carefree in one instance and suddenly become bleak and hopeless. While most people can accept the obstacles that life throws at them, others have an exceedingly difficult time dealing with loss.

Disorder deals with one such individual. A young boy loses his younger brother and vanishes into his mind. He removes himself from life and wishes to be gone. He just can’t accept that his brother is no longer with him. He suffers from some mental illness, be it depression, bi-polar or schizophrenia.

I’ve had a long battle with depression. It conquered me for years before I even admitted I needed help. As a child, you don’t even see the symptoms before you. Your mind is so devoid of routine that you grow content with the negative patterns. I believed that I was supposed to be a miserable individual.

What really reignited the fires of despair was the death of my aunt. I have gotten over her passing, but my world was torn asunder in that moment. I lost my faith, I began to question even the most basic tenets of happiness and I withdrew from my friends. I didn’t feel worthy enough.

Disorder represents this, albeit in short text blocks. Your character truly does not see redemption for himself, almost as if he caused the death of his brother. When you are wallowing in the depths of misery, even the slightest problem becomes your own.

What works exceptional in the game is how both misery and happiness are combined. Humans are not one dimensional beings; we often need sadness to cope with certain events. If we shrugged off death as some random occurrence, we may have never evolved as a society.

Often times, being somber is what helps us see a different solution. When you are perpetually happy, you tend to overlook the sadness that may exist in someone’s heart. It becomes difficult to understand why they aren’t feeling elated at every opportunity.

Not everyone suffers the same tragedy. For some people, their lives may be devoid of loss. While we all eventually die, one can be born into a young family. You may not lose a grand-parent until you are well into your 40’s.

If that is the first time you experience death, how do you cope? A game like Disorder shows that no matter the age, we all wish to have done something differently. Be it we sacrificed ourselves or took a different course, we all want a second chance.

Now, I do believe the game is a bit vague for it’s own good. To best empathize with someone, we need to know their full story. Disorder drip-feeds it’s narrative with vignettes. You will only learn more of the plot after getting through some platforming sections.

You never do quite see the full truth. Even the two endings give vastly contrasting ideas of what may have transpired. Without that deeper connection, Disorder comes off as not brave enough. It wraps itself up in mental illness, but makes no statement.

Every piece of media doesn’t need to have an opinion; sometimes getting the mind firing is enough for some people. Whose to say that Disorder won’t ignite a person’s passion for psychology? Having played both this and Depression Quest, I feel Disorder makes the subject matter more approachable for people not interested in reading text.

Mental illness is something that might be more prevalent in gamer culture then we realize. Instead of shying away from discussions, we as a collective whole should be thinking of creative ways to display the effects of such a disease.

If nothing else, gaming allows one to experience another point of view. Film can only showcase what one person does in a given situation. Gaming gives the player the ultimate control and asks them to interpret what they see.

Disorder isn’t a perfect game, but it certainly earns the right to exist. I can only hope that someone else sees what chaos depression can reap and looks to fix that within their life or their loved one’s.

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