Forbidden Fruit

America has a strange taboo involving sex and pornography. We shun what is a basic human function and need. Everyone likes sex and our brains are triggered to make us want it (sometimes at random). Why do people look down on this?

I can no longer lie about my isolated habits. I play video games, I work out, I go to work and I look at porn. Porn doesn’t control my life, but it is a decent part of it. That habit led me into beds with six different women before I stumbled upon a big discovery; there is a pornstar living in New York City.

Not only is that incredible, to me, but there is another caveat; I’ve watched her videos. I’ve found her incredibly attractive. I’ve fantasized about what I would do with her, if I could only have her for an hour or so.

After I learned that she was close by, I also figured out that she does escorts. My mind was blown. Could I pass up an attempt to be with a pornstar that I’ve actually pleasured myself to? Well, clearly no, as I wouldn’t be writing this blog if I did.

I just never thought that I’d find myself in love with a porn girl. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m very sexually oriented and that I don’t truly believe in relationships.

Marriage seems like a silly concept to me and getting mad over sexual exploits is just futile. People like to mate. But being with this girl, I can’t get her out of my head. It feels like the first time I truly made love to someone. While I’m probably just a small blip on the radar of her life, she has become the most satisfying and interesting love encounter I’m ever likely to have.

I know what her lifestyle is, though, and I don’t feel right having these feelings. I could never ask her to stop just to please me. I’m finding myself getting more and more accustomed to being in an open relationship and allowing my lovers to be free.

I know I wouldn’t want anyone to constrain me to an outdated ideal. Most of the problems that remain in my life are simply from older people attempting to control me. I just want to live my life and have people accept me. I’m so tired of being judged as a pariah.

Obviously this crush I’m harboring for this pornstar won’t last. The two of us come from very different ideals and barely know each other. The only time we have met was this past weekend. Talking to her, though, just made me feel so great.

That look in her eyes was to die for, too. Either she had a blast, or is a phenomenal actress. I can’t say for certain, but I do know that I want to see her again. That has to mean something.